You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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