My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
