I'm eating all of the evidence.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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