Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
