So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
