I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
