when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
