I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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