Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Two words: nipple clamps
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