Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
