If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
