It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
