I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
