remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
