Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
