oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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