he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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