Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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