I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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