you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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