so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
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