Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize