I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
