Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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