i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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