My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
