...so i touched it.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
