Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
