I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
