I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
