is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
