Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
