Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I can't put those talents on a resume
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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