having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
