break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
