Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
