Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
