you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
