After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
there was a trapeze. enough said
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
