cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
