I just made out with a guy for $7.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
