They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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