Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
