i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
