The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
