the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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