Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
