walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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