You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
