i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
