My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
