I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
