If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
smell my finger.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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