i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
