God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
