if i can run in heels then i can drive
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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