census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
