we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
