my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
