If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
