question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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