Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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