So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
