im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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