matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
