omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
