it hurts more in the daytime
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize