He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
