We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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