You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
