the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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