We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
