Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(810): View more from Michigan

This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle

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(520): View more from Arizona

i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator

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(541): View more from Oregon

You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport

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(773): View more from Illinois

Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.

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(519): View more from Ontario

He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.

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(317): View more from Indiana

Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.

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