remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
