You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
they need to just BURY HIM!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
