Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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