im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Randomize
