Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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