That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
