Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
