the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
