he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
