just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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