We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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